Daniel rolled over, bringing her underneath him. She spread her legs, and he settled between them. His mouth left hers and went to her neck, his tongue sliding across the skin, teeth nipping lightly. His hands began running over her body, touching her in places that made her pant with need.
Daniel pushed her T-shirt upwards, exposing her naked breasts to his eyes. And then his hands and lips were upon them, one nipple in his mouth as the other was stroked and teased with his fingers.
"Oh, God, oh, God," Sam gasped, arching against him. She clutched at his T-shirt, wanting it off, needing it off. Sensing her need, Daniel yanked the top off. The sight of his bare chest made Sam's desire flare even brighter. In the next second, her mouth was traveling across his neck, shoulders and chest, her tongue tasting his skin for the first time. She soon reached one of his nipples. Daniel moaned loudly as she sucked upon it. He grabbed her T-shirt and pulled it up. With her help it was soon gone.
With desperate hands, Sam grasped the waistband of Daniel's pajama pants and pushed them down, finding him naked underneath. The touch of her hands upon him elicited a deep groan from Daniel, which made Sam's desire go up yet another notch. She yanked his pajama pants down farther as he did the same to the boxers and panties covering her. The clothing was soon gone. In the next moment, Daniel was back on top of her. Sam shuddered at the feeling of his naked body against hers. Instinctively, she tilted her hips upward. And then, suddenly, Daniel was inside her. Sam nearly screamed at the explosion of sensations. She braced her feet on the bed and jerked up against him, her hands clutching at his body.
Daniel began to move, white-hot passion consuming them both, their climaxes rushing upon them with supersonic speed. Very quickly, they were approaching the edge. Then, suddenly, Sam was coming, fire flashing through her body like an inferno. With a wild rush of ecstasy, Daniel followed her.
As the feelings faded, they lay still, their hearts gradually slowing. Daniel cupped Sam's face and took her mouth in a deep kiss. He then rolled onto his side, keeping hold of her, and pulled her head down to lay beneath his chin. With a sigh he closed his eyes. It was not long before Sam heard his breathing deepen, his body relaxing in sleep.
Slow minutes ticked by, still and silent. Without a sound, Sam began to cry, her tears not ones of joy over the wondrousness of their lovemaking but of shame, for she knew that this should never have happened. For so long she had dreamed of this moment, but, in her dreams, it had been an act of mutual love, not one born of Daniel's grief and her selfish weakness. And she had no one but herself to blame. She was the one who should have stopped it, who shouldn't have let it get started in the first place.
Being careful not to awaken him, Sam left the bed, got her clothes, and began to dress. As she did so, the tears fell even harder, her feelings of shame growing deeper. God, how could she have done this? Daniel was grieving, vulnerable and in pain. She took advantage of that, letting her desire take control and doing something completely unforgivable. He'd probably never want to see her again.
Sam rushed out of the apartment. She barely remembered the drive home. As she lay in her own bed, her tears of shame were joined by ones of sorrow. Tonight she had found heaven, rapture beyond words. For the first time in her life, she had experienced the wonder of making love with a man she truly loved with her whole heart – and it would never happen again.
Burying her face in the tear-wet pillow, Sam mourned for the joy she had found and lost all in the same night, a joy that should never have been hers at all.
Daniel hazily awoke, a shaft of sunlight spearing through the curtains and into his eyes. For a moment, his sleep-drugged mind drifted, slightly disconnected . . . that is until he realized that he was naked. Why was he. . . . And then it suddenly all came back to him, blazing into his mind with stark clarity.
Stiffening, gripped with dread, Daniel cautiously rolled over to find the other side of the bed empty. He listened for a moment but heard only silence. Sam was gone.
Daniel closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands as all the memories from last night went marching by behind his eyelids. He'd awakened from a dream of making love with Sha're to find that there really was a woman in his arms. Totally shocked, he'd laid there, staring at Sam, not knowing what to say. And then he saw it. It was unmistakable, the signs of a woman who was sexually aroused. She had looked so beautiful, so desirable, blue eyes filled with want, hardened nipples pressed against his chest. The knowledge that she was aroused because of his touch had made his senses tilt off-kilter. And then the shock disappeared, replaced by a far more powerful emotion, one he'd had neither the desire nor will power to control.
Every moment of their explosively passionate lovemaking was replayed in his brain. Not even once had he thought about what he was doing. Not for one second did it impact upon his mind that it shouldn't be happening. All he'd felt was the unreasoning desire burning through his veins, the sudden, all-consuming need.
'Oh, God. What have I done?' He'd let his grief and loneliness drive him into doing something utterly shameful. And what made it even worse was that he'd done it to Sam, one of the best friends he'd ever had, a woman who had trusted him, respected him, loved him like a friend.
Tears of self-loathing filled Daniel's eyes and fell down his face. What he did was unpardonable. She probably hated him for it. He hated himself.
Daniel wished to God that she'd pushed him away, slapped him, hit him, done something to stop it. Why didn't she? Was she caught in the moment just like him? Did she give into him out of compassion? Was it pity sex? That thought almost made Daniel feel like he was going to throw up.
Scrambling out of the bed, Daniel went to the bathroom, where he took a scalding-hot shower. The water mixed with fresh tears. There could be no forgiveness for this. He had lost his wife, and now he had ruined one of the only remaining relationships that truly meant anything to him.
Daniel got out of the shower and got dressed. Bypassing the kitchen, he went straight to the balcony. The bare concrete was cold against his sock-clad feet, but he barely noticed as he walked up to the railing.
"God, Sam. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
The morning breeze wafted across cheeks that were wet yet again. Daniel choked on a sob, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. Guilt over the death of his wife joined with the new guilt of what he'd just done. He had taken the life of his wife, and now he had hurt another woman he cared about deeply. One life destroyed and another damaged because of him. On top of that, he had betrayed Sha're's memory by having sex with another woman only days after her death.
Daniel's eyes opened, and he stared at the ground below. A thought came into his mind and took purchase. It would be so easy, just swing his legs over the railing and let go. Then all the grief, guilt and pain would be gone forever. He'd be out of Sam's life for good. The problem was that he was only three stories up. That might not be high enough to do the job right. He'd need someplace higher.
Suddenly, an image of Sha're leapt into Daniel's mind, her luminous brown eyes gazing at him with sorrow. The realization of what he was doing impacted upon him. He took a quick step back from the railing, shaken by the fact that, for a moment, he had actually considered suicide.
Daniel went inside and took a seat on the couch. In that moment, he knew that he had to do something. He had to get away, far away from this place. He didn't know where he'd go or what he'd do once he got there, but he could not stay here in this city where he'd had such hopes of saving Sha're, the city where he betrayed one of the best friendships he'd ever had.
