CHAPTER SIX
When Daniel entered the house, it was to see Sam scramble up from the couch, wincing slightly at the pain it caused in her leg.
"Daniel! I was worried about you. You've been gone for an hour." Just then, she saw the doctor. "Janet?"
"I'm sorry, Sam," Daniel apologized. "Janet and I bumped into each other. We got to talking, and I lost track of the time."
The physician came up to Sam. "I was on my way over here to check on you," she explained. "How are you doing?"
Sam sat back down. "Not bad, actually. My leg hurts a lot less than it did when I first came home. I don't need the crutches anymore." She glanced at the linguist. "Daniel's been taking very good care of me."
"Well, that doesn't surprise me. I didn't doubt for a minute that he would. Shall we go into your bedroom? I'd like to take a look at the wound and see how it's healing."
The two women headed to Sam's bedroom, where the astrophysicist removed her pants. Janet examined her leg, nodding in approval.
"It looks good. We should be able to remove the stitches on Thursday. I would be happier, though, if you would agree to stay at home a few additional days. I know that, as soon as you get back to your lab, you'll be all over the place, not letting your leg rest." She glanced at Sam. "I bet that Daniel wouldn't mind staying over longer."
Sam shook her head. "I don't want to impose on him any more than I already have."
"Haven't you liked having him here?"
"Are you kidding? He's been wonderful. He fixes all my meals, does everything around the house, pretty much waits on me hand and foot. He's supposed to be getting work done, but he doesn't want me to be bored, so he's been keeping me occupied." Sam smiled. "We played the funniest game of Scrabble this morning. To be honest, I'm going to miss him when he leaves. I've loved having him here. The funny thing is, it hasn't taken any getting used to at all, which is strange. I've been living alone for so long that it should take some getting used to having someone else here all the time, right? I mean, sharing the same bathroom in the morning, not having as much privacy, stuff like that. It should be at least a little bothersome, but it hasn't bothered me at all. I feel . . . comfortable having him here." She then recalled a moment just yesterday when she was definitely not feeling comfortable in his presence.
"What is it?" Janet said, seeing something flit across the major's face.
Sam waved her hand. "Oh, nothing, really," she claimed, but her blush gave her away. Seeing the way Janet was looking at her, she suspected that the doctor would pester her until she confessed her thoughts. "Daniel went jogging yesterday morning. I didn't know that he'd gotten into that. Anyway, he was just coming in when I came out of the bathroom, and I guess he didn't see me. He took off his top right there in the living room, and, well. . . ." Sam's blush heightened. "He's, um, developed some pretty good muscle definition these past few years. I, uh, kind of noticed."
Janet grinned. "You and my entire nursing staff, Sam. Daniel's always been their favorite, but, since he really started hitting the weights, they almost fight each other for the privilege of treating him. And when it comes time for his sponge bath, it just about turns into a civil war. I usually have to specifically assign someone to the duty to avoid problems."
Sam giggled. "Do you ever assign yourself to the duty?"
"Occasionally," Janet admitted. "Hey, I'm not immune to his obvious charms either, you know. I am of the female gender."
"Yeah, it should be a crime for a man to be that nice, that smart and that gorgeous. It's not fair. How are any of us poor females supposed to resist?"
Janet smiled, looking at Sam closely. She wondered if her friend really realized what she was saying. Adding together everything that Sam had said about Daniel in their conversation, coupled with what Janet already knew about the major's feelings for the archeologist, made her begin to suspect something. If she was right, Daniel's feelings for Sam might not be unrequited after all. But what could she do about it? It appeared that, if Sam did have more than feelings of friendship for Daniel, she was largely unaware of it. Janet determined that she would have to tread lightly, try to get Sam to wake up to how she really felt. Perhaps the first thing to do was to find out how Sam felt about her boyfriend.
"Soooo . . . I guess you and Pete are getting pretty serious, huh?" she asked.
"Um, yeah, I guess. I mean, this is the longest relationship I've had since my engagement to Jonas Hanson. I really like him a lot."
"Do you love him?"
"To be honest, I don't know. I think that I could love him, but our relationship is still new. We're still learning about each other. Did Daniel tell you that Pete came over today?"
'So, that's why Daniel was so upset,' Janet mused. "No. How did he react to Daniel being here?"
"Not good. I suppose he was just acting like a normal guy, but it still irritated me. He wanted to take time off from work and take over for Daniel."
"Apparently, you said no."
Sam nodded. "It wouldn't have accomplished anything except make Pete happy because Daniel was no longer here. I had a long talk with him, tried to make him understand that Daniel would never do anything to harm me or betray my trust. He finally gave in, though he still wasn't happy. I dread to think of what his reaction is going to be when I tell him that I'm going to be going on vacation with Daniel."
Janet looked at her in surprise. "You and Daniel are going on vacation together?"
"Yeah, on our next leave. Daniel suggested it, and I think it would be a great idea. What with everything that's been going on these past few months, we haven't spent much time together, except when we're on a mission, of course." Sam shook her head. "For that whole year that he was gone I missed him so much. I kept thinking about how much I wanted to see him, be with him, and, now that we have him back, I've hardly spent time with him at all. I can't let that go on."
"You and Daniel do have a very special relationship."
Sam smiled tenderly. "Yeah."
"You know, when I first saw you together, I thought that you were a couple."
Shocked, Sam stared at her. "You did?"
"Uh huh. That was before I found out that Daniel was married. You were both chattering away about something or other, totally oblivious to everyone else. The way you were reacting to each other, I'd have bet money that you were an item."
"Really? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You're not the only one to think that. A lot of people still do."
"Does that bother you?"
"Well, obviously it did when Daniel was still married, but, later on, no, not really, which is strange, I guess. Perhaps it's because I wouldn't be ashamed if the rumors were true. After all, I could do a whole lot worse than have Daniel for a boyfriend. In fact, I really couldn't do any better."
'Oh, Sam, are you listening to yourself?' Janet silently asked her friend.
"And, since he's not military, there was never the issue of regulations, and people who thought we were lovers couldn't accuse me of sleeping with him to get promoted," Sam added.
Janet nodded. "That's true. You could even stay on the same team as long as the general and Colonel O'Neill thought there wouldn't be a problem." There was a moment of silence. "So, what are you going to do if Pete makes a big stink about you going off on vacation with Daniel?"
"I'm not sure. I know that Daniel would say we should forget the whole thing since he wouldn't want me to jeopardize my relationship with Pete, but if I did that, it would be the same as if I'd let Pete do what he wanted to today. I know that a relationship is all about give and take, but I shouldn't have to give up important time with my best friend just to appease Pete's jealousy and overprotectiveness, should I?"
"No, you shouldn't, especially since Pete is not your husband or even your fiancé. It is way too early in your relationship for him to have any say in what you do." Janet looked at her friend long and hard. "Sam, do you mind if I give you some woman to woman advice?"
"No, not at all."
"I know that, before Pete, it had been a long time since you'd had a relationship with someone. I also know that you've had a lot of mixed up feelings for more than one man over these years that you've been with the SGC. Now, some handsome, charming, nice guy who really likes you comes along. Just make absolutely sure of what you're feeling, Sam, before you make any kind of commitment. True love, the kind that lasts a lifetime, is a special and powerful thing. When someone is really in love, they're willing to sacrifice a whole lot to be with that person. When you think about Pete, think about how much you'd be willing to sacrifice to have a permanent relationship with him. Think about whether or not you truly believe that you could spend the rest of your life with him. You might even want to compare what you feel for him to your feelings for other men in you life, both past and present. It could help clarify things." She paused. "Whatever you do, Sam, don't settle for second best. In the end, you'll regret it."
"Second best? What does that mean?"
Janet got up. "Just think about it." She left the bedroom, wondering if she'd said enough. What she had really wanted to say was, "Look at how you feel about Daniel, Sam. Really look at those feelings. Are you sure that all you feel for him is friendship, because it sounds to me like it's a whole lot more. Do you believe that you'll ever be able to care about Pete as much as you do about Daniel?" Since she couldn't say that, all Janet could hope was that what she had said would make Sam start to think and eventually figure things out for herself. Daniel and Sam would be good for each other. They'd make each other happy, and there were no two people more deserving of that than they were.
"Well, she's doing very well, Daniel, and you are doing a wonderful job in caring for her," Janet told the archeologist when she came into the living room. "Perhaps if we're ever overwhelmed in the infirmary, I'll draft you as a nurse's aide."
Daniel held up his hands as if to fend her off. "No thank you, Janet. I spend way too much time in that place as it is."
Janet smiled and turned to Sam. "I'll expect to see you on Thursday to get those stitches out. And, like I said, I'd be happier if you'd take the rest of the week off. Frankly, you might as well since I know that you're going to be off this weekend anyway."
Sam nodded. "You're probably right. There really would be no point in me coming in just for a couple of days."
"Good. Daniel? Would you walk me out to my car?"
The archeologist accompanied the doctor to her car. She opened the door, then turned to him.
"Daniel, I promised that I wouldn't say anything to Sam about your feelings, and I won't, but I still think that you should. You shouldn't give up hope. Yes, Sam may be in a relationship now, but that doesn't mean you have no chance. There's no telling what the future may bring." Following through on a sudden impulse, Janet gave him a hug. He returned it after only a moment's hesitation.
"Thanks, Janet. You're a good friend."
She gave his arm a final squeeze, then got in her car.
From the living room window, Sam watched the doctor drive away. Daniel stood at the curb, arms wrapped around himself, shoulders hunched forward and head bowed in that posture she had come to know so well from their first few years together, the one that told her he was hurting.
Sam went to the couch, wondering what the hug she had just witnessed was about. Did Janet know what was bothering Daniel? Did he confide in her what he couldn't to Sam? That thought actually made Sam jealous. Could there be something going on between Daniel and Janet? No, that couldn't be, could it? And, if there was, why should the thought bother her? Daniel and Janet were her friends. She should be happy at the idea that they might be together.
The opening of the door broke Sam's train of thought. She studied Daniel's face, but learned nothing from it. He was wearing the mask again.
"So, I bet you'll be happy to get those stitches out," he commented lightly as he entered the living room.
"Yes, I will. This thing is itching like crazy."
Daniel smiled very faintly. "Yep, I know what that's like. You're going to come back home after the stitches are out?"
Sam nodded. "Janet's right. I might as well stay home for the rest of the week."
"Yeah. Do you want me to drive you home or will you take your car?"
"I'll take my car. I think I'll be okay to drive."
Daniel shoved his hands in his pockets, and his head was once again turned downward. "So, I guess my job here will be over on Thursday."
Sam gazed at him. "It, um . . . doesn't have to be."
Daniel looked at her. "You mean stay the rest of the week with you?"
"Sure. Pete won't be arriving until Saturday morning. You could stay till Friday night. I could still use the help. That is if you want to."
Daniel thought about it. Did he want to stay? If she'd asked him that this morning, he'd have said yes, definitely. But now. . . . Yes, he still wanted to stay. Though a part of him was being torn apart at being with Sam and knowing it could never be like he wanted it to, another part was craving her company, no matter what form that companionship took.
"Yes, I'd like to stay," he told her.
Sam gave him a smile. "Great. Then it's settled."
The rest of the day was a lot more subdued than the morning had been. Daniel got in some work as Sam read . . . or at least tried to read. She actually spent more time thinking about what had happened that day, including what Janet had said.
Sam was surprised to realize that she had not really analyzed her feelings for Pete, not as closely as she should have. Perhaps it was time that she did. She knew that she cared a lot about him, and she believed that they could have something really good together. But how much would she sacrifice in order to be with him? Being brutally honest with herself, she knew that there were things that she would not be willing to give up, such as her career in the Air Force and her place in the SGC. Those things were too important to her. She would not have been willing to give them up to pursue a relationship with Jack, and she would not be willing to do so to stay with Pete. Maybe she would someday, if they ever reached the point where they were talking about marriage. That was something she wouldn't know until the time came, if it ever did.
There were other things, though, that she knew she would never give up for Pete, no matter how far their relationship developed. Sam found her gaze going to Daniel, who was absorbed in a translation. If Pete could not accept the relationship she had with Daniel. . . . Sam did not want to think about that eventuality, but if it happened, she knew that she could not sacrifice what she had with Daniel for her boyfriend's sake.
Sam's thoughts turned to something else. How would she react if she lost Pete, if something happened to him? She knew that it would really hurt, just like it hurt when she lost Narim and Martouf, far more than that since she had never had the chance to develop a real relationship with either of those men. But she believed that, in time, she would heal, move on from his death.
Again, Sam looked over at Daniel, thinking of how it had been when she lost him. It had been a pain more agonizing than anything she'd felt since her mother died. During the year that he was gone, that pain had gradually lessened, enough that she could get through the day without wishing every second that he was there. But the deep ache to see him again never went away, and not a day passed that she didn't miss him. She lost count of the times that she longed for him to come back.
Would she ever have gotten past that, reached the point where he no longer entered her mind? Perhaps, over the years, thoughts of him would have dwindled to the point where she could have gotten through several days – maybe even weeks – without thinking of him, but she knew that she would have missed him for the rest of her life. A part of her would never have healed from his loss, just like a part of her still ached over the loss of her mother, even after all these years.
"Sam, what's wrong?"
Daniel's anxious voice snapped Sam out of her thoughts. She was horrified to realize that she'd been crying. She hastily wiped the tears away and sniffed.
"Nothing. I was just being silly."
Daniel settled on the couch beside her. "Sam, you were crying. There's nothing silly about that."
"I was just . . . remembering things, sad things."
"What?" Daniel asked gently.
Sam looked in his eyes. "I was remembering when you were gone, how much I missed you. I was thinking about how I'd have felt if you never came back."
His eyes full of emotion, Daniel pulled her into a gentle hug. She wrapped her arms around him, letting herself relax in his embrace. And it felt so good. She didn't want the hug to end.
Daniel's hand was slowly rubbing up and down Sam's back. "We've never really talked about this, have we," he murmured.
"No, I guess we haven't. We just sort of avoided the subject." Sam sniffled and drew away until only one of Daniel's arms was around her, draped snugly over her shoulders.
"Do you want to talk about it now?" he asked.
Sam thought about it and decided that it was time that she did. She took a deep breath. "It hurt, Daniel. It hurt a lot losing you. I told you that it was one of the hardest things I'd ever gone through, and that was true. You're my best friend, and you were gone. I missed you every day, every single day. On almost every mission we went on, I thought about how you would have handled the situations we encountered, how differently things might have gone if you'd been with us. Don't get me wrong. Jonas is a good man, and he did a good job, but he just wasn't you. You have a way of looking at things, a way of doing things like no one else. You are so unique in so many ways. I missed your . . . your heart and your spirit. I know that the colonel and Teal'c did, too. Without you, it's like SG-1 and the SGC were missing a huge part of their soul. And I missed you in so many other ways, too. I missed having you show up in my lab in the wee small hours of the morning with a cup of coffee and the willingness to listen to me ramble on about what I was doing. I missed going to your office and seeing the look of rapt fascination on your face as you studied some artifact. I missed your passionate pleas for a little more time at some archeological find, your impassioned arguments over the rightness of some course of action, your unrestrained joy at some new discovery. I missed everything about you and everything that having you as a friend gave me." Sam was battling tears again. "I wanted you back, Daniel. I wanted my best friend back."
Daniel pulled her back into his arms. He hid his own tears from her, but he could not hide the sound of them in his voice. "I'm so sorry, Sam. I never meant to hurt you." He tightened his arms. "I missed you, too."
"I thought you didn't remember anything about that time, except for what you saw happen on Erebus."
"I don't, really, but I've begun to recall memories of feelings, sensations I experienced during that time, and I know that I missed you, Jack and Teal'c a lot. I have a feeling that I hung around you guys for a while, checked up on you. I have this fleeting memory of seeing you guys going off to dinner and me wishing that I could join you."
Sam pulled back and stared at him, stunned. "That was you?"
"What was me?"
"After our first mission without you, we went out to eat. As we headed to the elevator, there was a brief gust of wind in the hallway. We thought it was a malfunction in the ventilation system."
"I don't know. I guess it could have been me."
Sam smiled. "That makes me feel better, knowing that you were with us sometimes. But then, I guess you must have been since you somehow knew when both the colonel and Teal'c needed you." She gave a sigh. "I just wish. . . ."
"What?"
"I wish that you'd come to me, too."
Daniel dropped his arms from around her and took her hand. He stared down at their entwined fingers. "I don't know why I didn't, Sam. I read about what Nirrti did to you, her experiments. Maybe I couldn't come to you, maybe something prevented me from doing so."
"Or maybe it was because I wasn't alone."
Daniel looked at her. "What do you mean?"
"After Nirrti put me in that machine, I was taken back to where the others were. They were with me. I wasn't alone like the colonel was when he was a prisoner of Baal."
"Teal'c told me that I visited him in his dreams after the Jaffa massacre, when he was trying to keep himself and Bra'tac alive with just the one symbiote."
Sam nodded. "There was no one there to help him. He was alone, except for Bra'tac, who was also dying." Sam took his other hand. "Daniel, I really believe that, if it had just been me there in that place, if the rest of SG-1 hadn't been there as well, you would have come to me. You wouldn't have let me die alone."
"Sam, if I could have stopped what happened—"
"I know, Daniel," she said, not letting him finish. "I know that, even if you were there and saw what was happening, your hands would have been tied. You couldn't have interfered. The others would most likely have stopped you, just like you were prevented from stopping Anubis. I was never angry at you for not having helped me then. What I really wished was that you had just come to see me sometime, simply to say hi."
Daniel's gaze dropped from hers yet again. "I don't think I could have, Sam."
"You think that Oma would have kept you from doing so?"
"No, I don't think she would have stopped me. Why should she?"
"Then what do you mean?"
Daniel's eyes lifted to meet hers. "It would have been too . . . hard. If I had gone to visit you, talk with you, it would have hurt too much, because I'd have known that I would have to say goodbye again." His gaze returned to his lap. He was, therefore, taken by surprise when Sam gathered him into her arms. But it was a wonderful surprise. He held her close, letting her soothe away some of the pain inside, wishing that he could hold her forever. But, as he knew it must, the hug eventually ended.
"I guess I never really thought about the fact that you must have been missing us, too," Sam murmured. "It must have been very lonely for you."
"Yeah, it was. That's one of the emotions I remember. I think there were times in the beginning when I thought about going back to being human. But I get the impression that it got better in time. I wish I could remember everything."
"Well, you're back with us now, and that's what matters most."
Both of them feeling drained from the outpouring of emotions, they decided to go to bed early. As Daniel lay on the couch, staring into the darkness, he decided that he really was very lucky to have Sam as a friend, even if that's all they'd ever be.
