In the peace and cool of the morning, Daniel sat with his back against a tree.  He had pulled the last watch of the night and was enjoying the quiet sunrise.  It seemed to him that SG-1 never really looked at their surroundings.  Run and gun was always the order of the day.  Even when there really wasn’t any danger it was, ‘come, look, assess, leave.’

Now, in the wee hours of the morning, he sipped his coffee and watched as nature began to wake-up.  It was fall on this planet.  Crisp, clear.  The hardwood trees were all dressed up in gold and red.  The river water was sparkling in the early morning sunlight.

Taking in a deep, contented breath, Daniel smiled.  He could get use to this.  Sitting with nothing to do except take in the beauty all around him.  Maybe he would quit the SGC and move here.  Little cabin on the bluff, overlooking the river.  The image made him smile even more.  Only thing that would make it perfect would be to have his heart’s desire with him.

That thought made his mood turn sad.  Having his love returned from the one he wanted, wasn’t going to happen.  Well, being alone was what he was use to anyway.

Daniel sat the coffee cup down and took his journal out of his backpack.  Turning to the back, where he kept his personal thoughts, he began to write.  Just letting his mind and feelings wander, he didn’t even look at the page.  He was good at free form writing.  Especially when the subject was the woman he loved. 

Never would these words be seen.  When he got back to his office, all of these thoughts would be translated into his own code, and then the originals burned.  Right now, though, it was easier to write in English.

So wrapped up in his feelings, he never heard the individual that came up behind him.

Gazing over his shoulder, Sam knew she was encroaching on a private moment.  She was about to turn away, when she saw Daniel write her name down.  Her breath caught, and she continued to read his words, even though she knew it was wrong.

My love for you, Sam, is more powerful then anything I have ever felt.  Just a glance from your crystal blue eyes sends electric shivers into my very soul.

If there was one thing in all the universe I could have, it would be your love returned to me.  My dreams are so strong these days, it’s hard not to wake up and run into your arms.

Just to hold you, feel you press against me.  Oh, Sam, your scent, your laugh, the soft way your hands caress some new alien technical gadget.  I wish those hands were caressing me.  I know in my mind, it will never happen, but my heart refuses to let you go.  It hurts so much sometimes I just have to lock myself in a room and cry.

Sam didn’t mean to, but a small “Oh . . .” escaped her lips.

Daniel jumped up and spun around.  Seeing Carter standing there, her eyes bright with tears and a soft look of compassion on her face, he knew she had seen what he had been writing.  His face reddened and he tried to say something, but his mouth would only open and close with no sound.  He had been caught.  Now it was time to flee.  With an anguished look, he grabbed his backpack and took off.

“Daniel!”  Sam called after him, but he didn’t stop.  He couldn’t stop.  Emotions building up inside him, he had burn them off before he exploded.  He ran.  He ran with no thoughts of where he was going.  He just wanted to run.  Run from her, run from himself, run from his past.

After about 20 minutes he came to an exhausted halt, heaving for breath.  Now what?  How the hell was he going to face her?  Face any of them?  Dropping to his knees, he howled out in despair.  Damn his feelings.  Damn his love for her.  Now he was going to lose her friendship, and that was the only thing that he clung too.

Beating his fist on the hard ground he ranted, only stopping when he heard a crunch as he hit a rock.  Daniel knew, by the shear pain that catapulted up his arm, he just broke a couple of bones in his hand.  Great.  How would he explain this?

“Sam, what are you doing to me?  I’m smarter then this.”

Leaning back, he looked at his bloody right hand.  “Well, maybe I’m not.” He sighed.

Taking the bandana out of his side cargo packet, he wrapped it around the wounded appendage.

“God damn it, Daniel Jackson.  You’re 40 years old.  Start acting like it.” He berated himself.

The static from his radio startled him.

“Jackson!”  An angry southern voice yelled.  “Where the hell are you?!”

Daniel let out a frustrated sigh, “I’m not sure, Cam.  I think I’m southwest of the camp.”

“Well you start back this way and we’ll meet you.” Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell told him.  “And, Jackson . . . if you take off like that again, I WILL shoot you in the leg.”

Daniel grimaced at the threat, knowing that Mitchell would follow through on it if he had to.

“Yes, Sir.”

Picking up his pack with his left hand, the archeologist turned and headed back the way he came.  The entire time he walked, he was thinking of what to tell them.  Not sure if Sam would have relayed exactly what happened, he decided to feign confusion and ignorance.  It wasn’t long before he spotted the rest of SG-1 ahead of him.

“Oh boy,” he groaned, “Here we go.”

The first person to reach him was Teal’c.

“DanielJackson, are you uninjured?” the proud Jaffa questioned him.

Hiding his hand behind his back, he answered without meeting Teal’c’s eyes, “I’m Fine.”

Mitchell walked right passed his wayward team member, grabbing a handful of Jackson’s vest and pulled him around to follow him. 

He called over his shoulder, “You two stay put.  I need a word with our civilian.”

Once out of earshot, the Colonel stopped and faced the older man.  Jackson was prepared for a major dressing down and was surprised to see concern in his leader’s eyes.

“What happened, Daniel?”  Cam asked quietly.

“It was nothing . . . Sam startled me, that’s all.”  Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie.

Mitchell stared at him incredulously.  “That’s all, huh?  Why’d you take off then?”

Daniel looked at the ground, “It’s personal.” He murmured.

“Personal?  What?  She catch you jerking off or somethin’?”

Daniel’s head snapped up, “NO!”

“Then what happened?  You really upset her.”

Jackson hung his head, defeated.  He really hated being yelled at by this younger man.  With a deep sigh he answered, “She saw what I was writing in my journal.  Personal stuff . . .”

When Cam stayed quiet, still watching him, Daniel relented, “Stuff about how I . . . how I, I feel for her.”

The Colonel was taken aback.  He had known that the two of them were close, but had no idea that Jackson harbored serious feelings for his 2IC.  He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Oh.” Mitchell finally replied.  Then his brain kicked in, “Damn it, Jackson!  I thought you were smart.  If you love her, go and tell her.  Christ, you’re both adults, you’re both intelligent.  Talk.  Most of the time I can’t get the two of you to shut up.  Now, when it’s important you get all junior high about it?”

Daniel shook his head, not wanting to hear what was being said.  Just then, Mitchell slapped him upside the head.  Not hard, but it got Jackson’s attention.

“You two work this out.  Me ’n Teal’c are going to the ’gate.  You got one hour, then meet us there.  And you had better have this all resolved, one way or the other.”  Turning to go, Cam stopped and looked back to the archeologist, “And get that hand looked at as soon as were on base.”

With that, he walked off, leaving a very surprised Daniel.  Stopping by the other team members, Cam spoke to them briefly, then he and Teal’c left.  Standing by herself, Carter watched them go.

Daniel sighed and walked towards the object of his obsession.  Carefully, he hid his broken hand in his pocket, then glanced briefly at Sam’s face.  He saw that her eyes were red, most likely from crying.  Now he felt even worse.  Stopping a few feet from her, he shuffled nervously.

In a low, emotion filled voice, Daniel spoke first, “Sam, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry you saw what I wrote.”

She looked him in the eye and he noticed her annoyance with him.

“Was it true?”

Frowning, he knitted his eyebrows together, “Was what true?”

“Oh, come on, Daniel!  What you wrote.  Is it true?”

Damn she sounded like Jack O’Neill right then.  Stuffing his left hand into his pocket now, he looked at her over the top of his glasses.

“Yes.”  He muttered.

“Why did you run away?  Why didn’t you just talk to me?”  Her tone softened.

Daniel could feel his face burn with embarrassment.  “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Sam couldn’t keep the aggravation from her voice, “For God’s sake, Daniel.  You speak 23 languages.  You couldn’t find a way to tell me how you felt?”

For a linguist, it was pretty lame.  Still, he shook his head no.

“I don’t understand.” She said, throwing her hands up in dismay.

Daniel walked a short ways away and sat down on a fallen tree, trying to hide the pain that shot through his hand.  Sam drifted over to him, waiting for the archeologist to say something.  After a long pause, he looked at her.

“You remember Sarah, right?”

Sam nodded.

“She was the first woman that I was ever with.  I don’t think I ever really loved her, it was just . . . new and exciting.  And when Sha’re came into my life, there was no courtship, no romance.  She was given to me by her father.”

Standing up again, Daniel began to pace.  “I did love her.  No, I adored her.  She brought a whole new level of life to me.  I was amazed someone that beautiful and desirable wanted me.”

A sad smile came to his face.  “She was the last person I made love to.  I don’t count Hathor!  That wasn’t me and it definitely wasn’t love!”

Daniel stopped in front of Sam now and looked directly at her.  “I never learned how to . . . woo a woman.  I couldn’t figure out how some guys could just say a line or two and have the girl of their dreams fall into their arms.  I don’t have the ability to convey my most intimate feelings with the person they were for.  That’s why Sarah broke up with me.  And if it weren’t for Sha’re’s unending patience, she probably would have left me too.”

Taking a deep breath, he blurted out, “I love you, Sam.  I’ve been in love with you for years now.  I haven’t told you because . . . I, I, I knew you had a thing for Jack.  Then there was Pete.  Who the hell am I in comparison to them?  An Air Force Colonel and a cop?  I’m just a, a, a . . . geeky archeologist with an annoying habit of dying every few years.”

Sam couldn’t help but laugh at that.  Even Daniel had to chuckle when he thought about what he just said.

“I may know a lot of words, Sam, but the ability to put them into a confession of love for someone, I never quite grasped.  And I didn’t want to lose your friendship, scare you away.”

With a distant look, Daniel softly spoke, “‘Friendship is constant in all other things . . . Save in the office and affairs of love.’  Shakespeare wrote that.  I didn’t really understand what he meant until now.

“Look . . . I, I . . . I was terrified that if I did tell you, I would lose you like Sha’re and Sarah.”

He couldn’t hold back his emotions any longer.  “Oh God, Sam, it hurts. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to take you away from me. ”

Without thinking, he buried his face in his hands.  Sam was up next to him instantly when she saw the bloodied bandana wrapped around his right hand.

“Daniel!  What happened?” She lifted the wounded limb gently, taking the makeshift bandage off.

Feeling even more disgusted with himself, Daniel quietly mumbled, “It’s nothing.  I just kind’a hit something hard.”

With an exasperated sigh, Sam pushed him over to the fallen tree and made him sit down.  Once the bandana was pulled away, she gasped.

“Nothing, huh?  Daniel . . . This hand is broken.  What the hell did you hit?”

“A rock.” He replied sheepishly.

“Holy Hannah, Daniel.  How old are you?”  She took her backpack off and rummaged through it for the first aid kit.  “Jack was right.  You never will grow up, will you?”

Feeling indigent, Daniel got up and paced away from her.  Turning angrily he spat, “Well then, I was right.  I can’t hold a candle to the ‘great Jack O’Neill’.  God knows he never did anything stupid!”

Starting to walk towards the ’gate, he called over his shoulder, “My hour is up.  We have to meet the guys now.”

Sam sat in stunned silence for a moment, then picked up her pack and raced after her retreating teammate.  “Daniel . . . Wait!”

“No, Sam!” He didn’t mean it to come out as hostile as it did.  Still, he was very mad now, “Forget this ever happened.  You want me to grow up?  Fine!  I’m off this team and out of your life.  Not that I was ever really in it in the first place.”

Throwing her pack down, Sam screamed in frustrated anger.  “Argh!  You, you . . . you are the most stubborn, shortsighted, closed-off, emotionally retarded person in the world, Daniel Jackson!  I thought Jack was bad, but you have now won first place.

“Had it ever occurred to you that if you had just talked to me you might have found out how I felt?  That maybe I had those kinds of feelings for you?  That maybe I was scared of . . .” She turned away from him choked with emotion, “I was scared of telling you that I love you, and you didn’t return that love.”

Daniel gaped at her.  He walked back to the woman that was now crying into her hands. 

“Sam . . .” 

He took her into his arms in a tight hug.  She started to push him away, but he just tightened his arms around her.  When he felt her relax, he pulled away slightly to look her in the eyes.  Wiping a tear from her cheek, a small smile softened his face.

“Maybe both of us have some growing up to do.” He whispered.  “It’s not like either of us have a great track record with relationships.”

Sam let out a choked laugh, “That is for sure!  Most of my boyfriends end up dead, and your girlfriends end up hosts to Goa'ulds.”

There was a moment of strained silence.  Truth hurt.  But he knew it hurt Sam just as much to think of how their relationships have turned out.

Daniel studied her, brushing the hair from her forehead.  “We have both been wounded.  Both lost so much in our lives.  It seems to me, the one constant has been . . . us.  You have always been there for me, and I hope that I have been there for you.”

With a nod she laid her head on his chest.  Maybe this could work out after all.  Sam definitely felt comfortable in his arms right now.

“I am sorry, Sam.  I’m sorry that I never had the ‘balls’ to tell you how I felt.  It’s funny, I can face down system lords and the ori, but when it comes to telling the woman I love how I feel . . .”

Sam looked into his eyes.  She saw all the emotions, the pain and heartache etched in those beautiful blue orbs.  She never wanted to be one to cause any of that pain.  Something broke inside her.

Reaching up, she pulled his head down and covered his mouth with hers.

Daniel felt as if he had been hit with a zat gun.  His body quaked with shivers as her tongue brushed against his lips.  Opening up to let her in, he deepened the kiss, exploring the warmth of her mouth.  Her body pressed tightly to his, he moaned in ecstasy.

Sam’s hands began to run up and down his sides as he tangled his into her hair.  All of a sudden he hissed in pain and pulled back, cradling the broke fist.

“Oh, Daniel.  I’m sorry, I forgot about your hand.”  Sam looked panicked.

“It’s okay.  I just tried to bend it.  Guess I shouldn’t have.”

Sam pulled the first aid kit out again and began to clean his hand up.  She noticed him watching her intently.  Smiling, she said, “You really do have a bad habit of getting hurt.”

Cocking his head to one side, he gave her a lopsided grin.  “At least I’ve never killed you.”

Confusion covered her face.

“Well, let me see,” Daniel held up his other hand and began to count off, “Jack has shot me, Teal’c has killed me a few times, and you stabbed me completely through my heart.”

“That wasn’t me!  That was Repli-Carter!”

Grinning mischievously, “Still looked like you.”

“You have kind of gotten the shit end of the stick on this team, huh?  Maybe we should call you Daphne from Scooby Doo.”  She laughed as she finished wrapping his hand in clean bandages and put the kit away.  “I guess we will just have to find a way to make it up to you.”

“Well first thing you can do is NOT call me Daphne!”  Then Daniel slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her close.  “However, I can come up with plenty of ways you can make it up to me.  I don’t care about the others.”

Pressing his mouth over hers, he continued the kiss that had been interrupted by his hand.  Just as things really began to heat up, the static on their radios came to life.

“Jackson.  Carter.  You two kill each other yet?” Colonel Mitchell asked.

Pulling away again, Daniel let out a heavy sigh.  Looking at Sam he grinned, “How much leave do you have?”

She smiled back at him, “Enough for a nice long vacation to a deserted island.”

Keying the radio, Daniel gave her an impish smile, then reported in, “On our way, Cam.  Both of us.”

“Well, hurry up, I’m hungry.  You were supposed to make breakfast this morning, Jackson.”

Rolling his eyes, Daniel took the hand of the woman of his dreams, and walked towards the ’gate and home.

The End